whom I love, and do not tell nearly often enough...
I'm sorry I drag you through the mud so often to meet people who are less important than you, who treat you like shit.
I'm sorry I put other lesser beings before you, simply because they can touch me.
I'm sorry I never put your needs ahead of anyone else's, even when it makes us sick and angry and hurt.
I'm sorry that you ended up so hurt at the end of it all....
I'm sorry I go looking for self-validation and worth from other people, when I know, I KNOW, I FUCKING KNOW!!! it can only come from within.
And it takes hard fucking work at that. Balls-to-the-wall, flat out, never-give-up work...
I am so sorry that you had to feel bad about sex so often. I wish I had known then what I know now, so I could only show you that you are just fine, just as you are.
I'm sorry you felt bad and guilt-ridden and ashamed so needlessly, just by expressing your own sexual desires and needs. I'm sorry you had to feel bad, shameful things just by being honest and true to yourself.
So here's what I'm going to do...
I'm not going to let you feel bad for being a sexually active, healthy man, with a perfectly normal, healthy, understandable sexual appetite. I'm not going to ever let you or make you feel bad because you are more sexually sophisticated and mature than your peers.
I'm not going to let the broken dreams of the past dictate inevitable sorrows of the future. There will be NEW dreams, NEW people, and NEW living for you, my wonderful Izzy.
You are kind, you are self-sacrificing, you are talented and handsome. You are a medicine person with true power in this world (not the imagined power of those who would use your attraction to them as leverage for the unimportant earthly glories so sought after by lesser boys) and I will no longer squander that power upon others. I shall turn it towards you, my most deserved of blessings.
I will fill your life with brilliant, glorious ecstasy. Myriads of wonderful stories, gorgeous experiences, and phenomenal memories. No more will we harp upon the 'if only's and the 'I wish'es of the past. Today, I shall be your guide to a new, and brilliant life.
The one you always wanted, but never thought you were destined to have.
If you will not grab it for yourself, I will...
For I am you.
Sincerely, my friend.